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“And,when you want to truely see the world, all the world conspires in helping you achieve it.”

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The Good. The Bad. The Ugly: Jeannie, Her Evil Twin and Major Nelson


The Empress's New Space Suit: Going Postal, I mean, NASA. You were a credit to your gender and your Alma mater, Penn State. Bye, Bye Miss American Pie, our last great role model. Barbie wants to be an astroNOT when she grow up.


If only you had worn more sunscreen Lisa; instead of driving your Chevy to the levy. You may have gone from hero to zero G's free falling, but not into oblivion- there's a book deal and HBO special out there. Can't wait to see you on Oprah.


Nowak is da bomb, the new weapon of mass distraction---spokesmodel for adult incontinence and enuresis. She's her own Judge Judy and Executioner with a turbo charged Red Bull Tang Twinkee defense and a pedal to the metal O.J. media frenzy.


Don't mention the diaper? It Depends.Some people call you the space cowgirl, some people call you the gangster of love; some people call you psycho biatch for setting third wave feminists back 50 years. Our number 1 for number 2. You passed the test but flunked the class; just like Michael Richards, Mel Gibson, Lindsy Lohan. The WRONG stuff!


This is Not Brain Surgery. It's Rocket Science! When I drive 900 miles, I use the interstate rest area toilets. But that's just me. I'm not an astronaut, but I was a SAG extra on Armageddon.


Space Cadet---Married With Children--Lisa M Nowak, Captain,Navy Pilot, West Point, Master's Degree. Husband works for Mission Control. Houston we got a diaper. Wheaties may be the breakfast of champions but Lisa must have had a bowl of stupid. Homeboy's wild oats have turned to shredded wheat. Life's a cereal. Ask Mikey.Check please.


Your homework assignment kids is to find out what flight risk means. Actually, Lisa M Astro- nut is the poster child for Diapergate--- NASA's super absorbent billion dollar taxpayer burn rate meltdown: legacy 1970's demented technology, glorified plumbers and electricians. Total waste of money. A Space oddity that may have gone to the dark side of the moon with Lisa Marie's road trip, but, for the most part, has been flying low orbit backyard "missions" for twenty some odd years.




Let the geeks(civilians) inherit the earth again.Where are you now, the Joe Dimagio of Space blogging, Anousheh Ansari GalacticTourist/Ambassador, when we need you? It's up to you, Google and X Prize Lunar Lander Challange to get us back to the moon.




Ground Control To Major Bill: Forget Rehab, What's the meaning of Wife? Get One! Guy Code, Article IV, Section H8: You forgot to PAMPER your woman. Dude(Navy Cmdr William Oefelein) you'd better chose your FWB's --- Friends With Benefits---more carefully. Men are from Earth. Women are from earth: Deal with it.


The man dating, or as Paris Hilton likes to say, having unprotected sex with two women and lying to both them, was the captain of Shuttle Discovery. I think he needs to go to Netflix and rent Fatal Attraction.

Hay Dogg, remember the West Point rule---the woman's always right. Or is that the West Hollywood rule? This is MUST SEE TV! All that anger, all that rage, it makes Ryan O'Neil's look like Father Knows Best. HHNFLLMN---Hell Hath No Fury like Lisa Marie Nowak.

And the Emmy for Lust In Space goes to Oscar Winner Charleze Theron!





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